sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
