Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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