After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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