we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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