hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
