You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
