You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
