Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize