Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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