Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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