I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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