Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
