I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
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