It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
