Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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