I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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