Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
