i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
