there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
