i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
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