Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
