Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
