I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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