i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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