Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
