i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
