I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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