butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
