Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
