Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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