i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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