I got chris browned last night
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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