Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
