Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
My butt remains clenched, sir.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
