I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
