i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
