Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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