Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
