nut hugger
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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