Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
