Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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