She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
zippers are such a cool invention
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
