shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
i think i just lost a toe
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
