If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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