Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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