So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
