You made me cry and you don't even care
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
