I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I wish i was in the wii world.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
