I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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