omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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